Be careful what you pray for

One day, as I was praying quietly, I was moved to pray about my heart. I prayed, God, be the Lord of my life, let my thoughts be your thoughts, let my passion be your passion, let my heart be your heart. I prayed sincerely, but I don't think I prayed with any specific thoughts in my head.

And now... I almost regret it.

As I was driving... I kind of day-dreamed, I guess. It was the end of Time, the Final Judgment Day had come. Saints from all the ages and places were risen, they praised the Lord and His graciousness. They were jubilant in their singing, excited about the coming Kingdom. I was with them, singing praise to God, joining with the angels in the new song. As I looked to the Lord, my eyes were also drawn to His other side.

There were people. Countless, hordes of people. There were people of all statues, background, ethnicities, and philosophies. And they were all cursing the Name of God. They were cursing the saved. They were cursing themselves. I stood there, transfixed. As I looked on, people started noticing me. And those who knew me, cried out my name.

"You knew about this? You knew what was going to happen? All that time, while you were secure in your own salvation, you didn't say anything? We were friends! You knew where I was heading and you didn't do anything about it? How could you?! With your inaction, you condemned me! With your silence, you send me to Hell!"

My prayer has been answered.

By the tip of the iceberg, I have felt God's passion. By a microscopic degree, I have seen His heart. And it is my undoing. I can't stand it. I don't understand it. I feel fear, utter sadness, even despair for those who are lost. The guilt for keeping silent of the ONE road to God, the shame of having been ashamed of the Gospel.

As my pastor said: We are called to be God's witnesses, not His salesperson, not His attorney. We don't need to be experts, we don't need to be flashy and attention-getting, we don't even have to be "good". Witnesses simply report to others what they have seen, heard, or experienced. That is what we are to do. That is what I am to do.

I hear the echoes of their cry. "All those years I've known you... How could you keep silent?"