heeey~ thank you sis!! you're the best! i love it!!
nice and green~ hehe xP
I still feel sleep-deprived, even though I shouldn't.

Pride

Xia and I went out to dinner today. (We really need to go grocery shopping sometime soon.)
I was telling her how I feel and act more confident nowadays, and was surprised to find her agreeing with me. I didn't know it was noticeable. I kept wondering to myself, " do I really act with so little confidence that even a little change is noticeable?" But a good thing is a good thing, so I didn't dwell on it for too long. What matters is that it finally sunk in that lack of self-confidence, the way that I had, stemmed from pride. It takes pride to beat myself down for everything, and believe that I am worthless due to my many faults and sins, when doing so is undermining Jesus' merciful sacrifice and grace.
In any case, I feel oddly free. Cocky and prideful and sinful was my way of trying to compare myself to others and getting confidence in the illusion of my "superiority." Of course I never felt superior to others, and thus, I felt inadequate and inferior.
Anyway, that was on my mind today. Depending solely on God requires me to give up my pride, give up lordship of myself. I'm still hanging on to loose strands of control here and there, and on some major parts of my life. I have a feeling it'll be a hard struggle, and perhaps even life-long. But simply knowing that I no longer need to judge myself by the "value" that I give to others is extremely encouraging and humbling at the same time. By comparing myself to others, I inevitably judged others as well. Giving up and letting go of such pride gives me a broader perspective of others, an acceptance and humility that I'm barely beginning to feel. I still have a lot to learn, and it's rather daunting because I sense that this is only the tip of the iceberg. How much more do I need to be broken down and melted? Probably all my life... Thank God

ps: hey sis, sneaky sneaky how you linked your site xP