Missions
Leaving for missions in 5 hours.
I'm so nervous I'm almost in denial... but... may God be glorified.
KCPC Summer Missions Application
Track 1: Discover
1. When did you become a Christian? Describe the circumstances that led you to Christ.
I was born into a Christian family, so there is no specific event or time when I became a Christian. When I was young I never questioned the Bible or its teachings. It was only when I got into high school that I started to, not doubt, but question different things regarding God’s goodness and His providence. The old verses and prayers that I learned started having new meaning, and I found myself praying to God that He give me assurance of salvation. I didn’t get it. I went through a time when I began to question my own salvation, whether I was a so-called habitual Christian. It was terrifying for me to think that I was only superficially Christian, without faith. The biggest fear was that my faith was not faith at all, but the result of a lifetime of church-oriented life and self-delusion. I was in denial for the longest time. I couldn’t trust myself, I couldn’t trust my faith. In the midst of such fear and denial, I realized something. It came to me when I was writing in my journal, and it read, “I can’t trust my faith.” And I was right. It wasn’t any faith or trust or belief that I held that was supposed to save me, but only the “faith” that God provides. It’s still an ongoing process for me. It is with nothing of mine, but even the faith that saves me is possible only through God’s grace and mercy.
2. Describe in your own words your relationship with God. In what ways do you maintain that relationship?
He is the only solid foundation in my life. He blessed me so much, He showed me love in so many ways that I can’t help but be humbled and thankful. When I think back to my entire life, it scares me, yet reassures me to know that my life was a tug-of-war for control. It scares me, knowing that I tried to control my life, but God showed me over and over again that I was His. My relationship with God. It still amazes me that He would wish to have such a thing. He blessed me, so much so that I can’t possibly turn away from him. Like that one song says, it is a debt of love. Sometimes I wonder why he blessed me so much: I’m weak, I lack in courage and zeal, and I even stutter when I get nervous. But also it makes me hopeful that, because I have nothing to offer, He’ll have some use of me to glorify his name.
I strongly believe that in order to maintain a relationship with God, I need to study the bible. To be honest, I haven’t been as diligent in my studies as I want to have been. The best understanding of the bible, however, came to me not when I was doing my QTs, but when I was talking to friends about God. Some Christian, some not. I would be talking or listening, and God would give me some basic understanding about his character, or the meaning of a parable, and so on. I think that my relationship with God began when I realized that he was seeking it, I still can’t help but be amazed by that.
3. How do you see yourself contributing to the team?
I don’t really know what is expected of individuals in a mission field, but God willing, I will be acting and speaking with the right heart. Keeping in mind that I have very little to offer, the only thing I can contribute to the team seems to be my willingness. I don’t have that much leadership skills, nor am I very outspoken or outgoing. When I try to imagine myself in the mission field, I see myself in a supportive role. I could do jobs that the others don’t have time for, and I want to continue praying for the people to open up their hearts to the gospel.
4. What do you hope to get out of this trip?
I've asked myself countless times why I want to go on this mission. The only answer I could come up with was, because I am afraid of missions. For a person who believes that the life of a Christian is a mission in itself, I sure do have a lot of fears about missions. I am a fairly independent person, and I have trouble asking for help. I hope to learn to depend solely on God. Even though he’s been teaching me over and over again that I have no control over my life, I find myself trying to take it from God. While I do find comfort in knowing that God has a sovereign, GOOD plan, a side of me still refuses to depend on him solely.
I want to see and feel how God loves his people, without judgment and without holding back. I hope to learn His love.
ps: Thanks to all of you praying for me, Albert, and the Yakama people.
Leaving for missions in 5 hours.
I'm so nervous I'm almost in denial... but... may God be glorified.
KCPC Summer Missions Application
Track 1: Discover
1. When did you become a Christian? Describe the circumstances that led you to Christ.
I was born into a Christian family, so there is no specific event or time when I became a Christian. When I was young I never questioned the Bible or its teachings. It was only when I got into high school that I started to, not doubt, but question different things regarding God’s goodness and His providence. The old verses and prayers that I learned started having new meaning, and I found myself praying to God that He give me assurance of salvation. I didn’t get it. I went through a time when I began to question my own salvation, whether I was a so-called habitual Christian. It was terrifying for me to think that I was only superficially Christian, without faith. The biggest fear was that my faith was not faith at all, but the result of a lifetime of church-oriented life and self-delusion. I was in denial for the longest time. I couldn’t trust myself, I couldn’t trust my faith. In the midst of such fear and denial, I realized something. It came to me when I was writing in my journal, and it read, “I can’t trust my faith.” And I was right. It wasn’t any faith or trust or belief that I held that was supposed to save me, but only the “faith” that God provides. It’s still an ongoing process for me. It is with nothing of mine, but even the faith that saves me is possible only through God’s grace and mercy.
2. Describe in your own words your relationship with God. In what ways do you maintain that relationship?
He is the only solid foundation in my life. He blessed me so much, He showed me love in so many ways that I can’t help but be humbled and thankful. When I think back to my entire life, it scares me, yet reassures me to know that my life was a tug-of-war for control. It scares me, knowing that I tried to control my life, but God showed me over and over again that I was His. My relationship with God. It still amazes me that He would wish to have such a thing. He blessed me, so much so that I can’t possibly turn away from him. Like that one song says, it is a debt of love. Sometimes I wonder why he blessed me so much: I’m weak, I lack in courage and zeal, and I even stutter when I get nervous. But also it makes me hopeful that, because I have nothing to offer, He’ll have some use of me to glorify his name.
I strongly believe that in order to maintain a relationship with God, I need to study the bible. To be honest, I haven’t been as diligent in my studies as I want to have been. The best understanding of the bible, however, came to me not when I was doing my QTs, but when I was talking to friends about God. Some Christian, some not. I would be talking or listening, and God would give me some basic understanding about his character, or the meaning of a parable, and so on. I think that my relationship with God began when I realized that he was seeking it, I still can’t help but be amazed by that.
3. How do you see yourself contributing to the team?
I don’t really know what is expected of individuals in a mission field, but God willing, I will be acting and speaking with the right heart. Keeping in mind that I have very little to offer, the only thing I can contribute to the team seems to be my willingness. I don’t have that much leadership skills, nor am I very outspoken or outgoing. When I try to imagine myself in the mission field, I see myself in a supportive role. I could do jobs that the others don’t have time for, and I want to continue praying for the people to open up their hearts to the gospel.
4. What do you hope to get out of this trip?
I've asked myself countless times why I want to go on this mission. The only answer I could come up with was, because I am afraid of missions. For a person who believes that the life of a Christian is a mission in itself, I sure do have a lot of fears about missions. I am a fairly independent person, and I have trouble asking for help. I hope to learn to depend solely on God. Even though he’s been teaching me over and over again that I have no control over my life, I find myself trying to take it from God. While I do find comfort in knowing that God has a sovereign, GOOD plan, a side of me still refuses to depend on him solely.
I want to see and feel how God loves his people, without judgment and without holding back. I hope to learn His love.
ps: Thanks to all of you praying for me, Albert, and the Yakama people.
posted by Debora at
12:05 AM
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