baby steps

As Fall nears and stores display Halloween-themed merchandise, I suddenly realize it's been a year since I've been working as a nurse. A year. It's such a short time, yet such a long time. I remember a year ago, when I gave myself one year to become accustomed to being a "professional" so I may start exploring where to go from here on out. And now I stand here, a year since, without an inkling of where to go. I'm nowhere near "accustomed" to nursing; I'm still learning something new every day; I'm still praying earnestly all day, every day. Without God, I cannot function at all.

I enrolled for a class at Rio Hondo College and my schedule worked out so wonderfully around the class, I'm excited to go back to school. But I do have some questions. I'm not sure if this is just another one of those fun things that I like to do, or if it's a manifestation of some deeper anxiety that I'm harboring about my current nursing career. It's a stressful job and I never forget the weight of responsibility that comes with what I do. Never. And that puts me on edge. I love nursing, don't get me wrong. Even though I love the job, I love the atmosphere, I love what I do, I love the people, and I feel called to be a nurse, sometimes I wonder if this is the right nursing setting for me. Another thing I love about nursing: it's very dynamic. Which begs the question, should I look for a different way to practice nursing? I joke with my sister how astronauts need nurses too, out there in space stations. Okay, it's only half a joke. If only my credentials met even half the requirements...

So here I am, one year into my career, pondering the future. Jesus may come today, tomorrow, twenty years in the future. Whatever the case may be, I'm still alive, and I still have dreams. Dreams that are being shaped into goals, one by one. Change is gradual and slow, sometimes imperceptible. I take a tentative step into that big unknown, hoping it will be a good one.