I read "I kissed dating goodbye" by Joshua Harris today.

When I first picked up the book, I had thought to myself, "but I never even said hi to dating." It was said half-jokingly, but I did have some reservations about what it would be about. A trusted friend had recommended it, so I decided to give it a chance.

The book is, if anything, challenging. The problems with today's "dating" culture are expressed clearly, such as lack of commitment, lack of the selfless love, and the ignorance of the preciousness and holiness of marriage. While I was reading, I couldn't help but send up a prayer to God thanking Him for protecting me, even when I asked Him otherwise.

I grew up in a rather isolated setting, mostly due to our family's wandering nature. We never really settled, and during my 22 years of life, the longest I stayed in one home was 2-3 years. That hindered me from being open to developing relationships with people. Even when I did find good friends, it was hard to maintain steady contact. What I want to say is that due to how I grew up, I rarely "felt" love or caring for others outside of my immediate family and very few special friends (all girls).

The first time I even talked with a guy was when I first came to America, at age 14. They were alien to me. Other than my dad and my cousin Marcelo, I shied away and became unnaturally nervous when any member of the male species came near me. Now that I think back, it might not have been that big of a deal, but for me it was life-changing. I realized my problem: I was selfish.

During high school I became a hermit, not taking initiative to talk with anyone, not letting anyone care for me too much. One dominant obsession was in my mind: Anyone who cares for me will get hurt because of my selfishness. I kept a tight lid on my affections, and naturally I became hungry for love. I poured all the love I had inside to my family, but not even my long-time friends received more than my carefully measured attention.

When it became time to go to college, going to the same school as my sister wasn't a choice. It was the only thing to do. I'm amazed to say that even through all my mistakes and mis-conceptions, God didn't give up on me. The first year of college, I barely got to see my sister. We lived in different dorms, and even at Church I tried to consciously talk with people other than my sister so as to not worry her. (She always worried about my shyness and my lack of social life.)

There I met many brothers in Christ, many more people than I had ever interacted with. They were God's children, struggling to imitate Christ, and I gotta say they impressed me with their show of faith. I was a young girl who had seen gray all her life, and in one moment, began to see all the brightness and beauty of color. I was entranced.

I could trust them, I didn't have to be nervous around them. They talked and acted like my dad, like my cousin. I forgot they were human, that they still struggled with balancing faith and the desire for romance. When I saw them stumble, I stumbled as well. I went from extreme to extreme. I began to question their thoughts, their motives for being "nice" to the girls. In some cases my suspicions were true, and in some cases they were not. I was an ignorant girl, who had placed people on pedestals without never knowing them, without really caring for them.

Being away from home, surrounded by people who seek God, I came to care for these brothers of mine. Some closer than others, I didn't recognize this new love I felt. I didn't know it was a sisterly love, and even though I didn't have romantic feelings for anyone, I didn't know and began to question my own heart. "Do I like this person, in a romantic way?" I had no idea. I have to say it was only by God's grace that I never confessed a love I did not have. He kept my mouth shut, and my mind kept questioning my heart. Time passed, and the love did not fade. It was becoming increasingly similar to what I felt for my cousin. A sisterly love. "So this is what it feels like."

Reading Joshua Harris's book made me realize just how carefully God had protected me all these years. When I felt lonely for companionship, He guided me towards Himself and my family. Even with all the moving and lack of friends, loneliness didn't consume me. I was content, and still am. Now I have friends, I have brothers and sisters who pray for me and I for them.

God is good, in all circumstances. Trust Him, and listen to Him.